


I Can't

by lcblip



Category: Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Break Up, Coming Out, Homophobia, Longing, M/M, Pining, Post-Break Up, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-10-04
Packaged: 2018-04-15 01:38:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4588113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lcblip/pseuds/lcblip
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aster broke Jack's heart, and he made a mistake. Now he wants to fix it before he leaves for good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Can't

Jack fumed as he walked. His steps quickly taking him away from the scene behind him. How dare that bastard? He thought, wrenching his hands through his short brown hair.

He and Aster had broken up nearly a year ago. The man was short tempered and stubborn and a workaholic and a complete ass. He was well aware of Jack's open sexuality, as he was not at all shy about who he was or what gender he preferred. Aster, though, was not as comfortable with it.

Sure they dated, and sure there was romance and intimacy... but only behind closed doors. There was no hand holding at the movies, no sipping from the other's drink. Hell, Aster didn’t even like Jack posting pictures of the two of them to his blog! His excuse was always some lame, generic 'I'm just not ready to be out' or ‘What if I lose my job because of it?' The Australian didn't seem to have any qualms about letting all his coworkers know of Jack's tastes, though stayed quiet about his own, and their relationship. 

Oh, he'd met a few of them. Most were relatively decent, if not a bit awkward around him, but that was fine. There were a few that were less than accepting. These individuals would always bring certain things up, like 'do you take it up the ass?' And 'isn't that painful?'... and then there were the uncalled for statements, made in jest, but were derogatory to the point Jack would blush in anger and embarrassment.

'Here's a banana, show us how far you can get it. Maybe we could send our wives to you for some pointers.'

And let’s not forget the classic: 'Don't you realize you're going to hell?'

Needless to say, Jack didn't accept any more drink invites from Aster's peers, and shortly after, the break up happened. It was angry and fast. Jack accused the older man of being ashamed of him, Aster accused Jack of trying to change him into a prancing fag. 

The only thing Jack remembered grabbing as he fled Aster's apartment was his coat. He left his toiletries, some clothes, a few movies... but he didn't care. He needed to get away.

It was remarkably similar to what he was doing now. Running away.

He knew his ex was following, the footsteps were steadily getting louder and louder, as did the calling of his name. But he didn't stop. Jack kept walking, furious with himself for actually feeling relief when Aster had shown up

The man was just some random Jo, drunk off his ass and looking to make a scene. Jack was an easy target with his PRIDE t-shirt and neon blue skinny jeans. The drunkard had stumbled over spouting slurs, a slew of faggot's and queer's and cocksuckers' littered his speech. When Jack ignored him he became angry. The man had grabbed Jack by the collar and shoved, sending the young man spiraling to the pavement. The drunk laughed, and began to say something but was suddenly rendered silent. Jack had hoped for a black out due to the alcohol, but was sorely disappointed when he finally scrambled back to his feet. Aster stood over the man, snarling vicious and threatening things. His hands were flying, as they often did in his anger, as his voice boomed at the man who lay sprawled on the sidewalk. Jack didn't stick around to see what his ex had said; recognizing the longing that shot through his veins was enough of a warning to get him swiftly putting distance between them again. It didn't last. 

"Jack- Jackie! Wait!" 

Just keep going, Jack thought to himself, biting the inside of his cheek, just ignore him, and he'll go away.

"Jackson!" Aster half shouted as he sprinted up, finally close enough to reach out and firmly grasp the younger man's upper arm. He took note of the hunched shoulders and lowered head, the slight tremble in that shot through the arm he held. Gently, Aster tugged, inching Jack to turn and face him.

"Look at me, Jackie." He whispered. The traitorous sting of Jack's eyes made it easy to deny the request. It was no doubt he still missed what they'd had; their relationship was deep, enough so that many times words had no place. Jack had never felt the burning need to be with anyone the way he wanted to be with Aster. Hell, if he was being honest with himself he still deeply loved the older man… and feared he always would.

"So, ya don't talk to me for a year, then I save yer ass and I don't even get a thanks?" Aster weakly chuckled and then groaned at his failed attempt. 

"What do you want me to say?" Jack snapped, shaking his arm out of Aster's grip and finally turning to face him. 

"Thanks for finally sticking up for me? Better late than never? Well, thanks, Bunny. Have a nice life." He turned to walk away once more, once again seething. I cant believe this is happening, he thought, after all this time, he just fucking shows up and expects me to be hunky dory? He wants to be all chummy again? Well, fuck him! 

"Wait a minute! Hold up, mate. I'm not- just- ... I'm not lookin' fer anything, Jack. I just wanted to talk to ya." He sighed, the dejected tone in his voice catching Jack a bit off guard. Aster was always so confident, so sure of himself. To hear the defeat in that voice made Jack's heart clench. Jack sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

"What do you want, Aster?" 

"I wanted... to apologize. For how things ended. I said some things... and they were uncalled for.”

“Yeah, I said some shitty stuff too. There- good talk.” Jack hissed and began to stalk away, once again stopped before the second step by a stronger arm.

“Will you just stop? We need to talk.” Aster sounded almost pleadingly honest. The tone of sincerity almost breaking Jack’s heart all over again. It did the trick, though. He stopped.

Jack sighed, heavy and agitated; it was easier to pretend to be upset than it was to fight the urge to bury his nose into Aster’s chest. “If you want to talk, you’re going to buy me coco.” He said, walking in the direction of a family owned café he frequented. He wanted to look behind him, to slow down and wait for Aster to come to his side, but he silently berated himself for it. Be strong, he thought, don’t fall even farther for him; not now.

~*~*~Line~*~*~

The coco was hot on his tongue as he sipped, grimacing at the burn. He sat back in his uncomfortable metal chair, leaning as far as possible away from his ex. Aster had silently paid for their drinks and had motioned for Jack to pick their table: a first in Jack’s memory. Usually the older man had wanted to sit in the very back, hidden behind walls and fake trees so no one could see. Jack smiled in spite as he planted himself smack in the middle of the large, three window pane out-looking the bustling sidewalk and intersection. Maybe all the people would scare him off, Jack thought.

He watched Aster fidget, long, tan fingers picking at the lid of his steaming cup of something. Part of him wanted to do something passive aggressive, like clearing his throat, to get this show on the road, and yet another part of him- the still-in-love-with-him part, wanted to stay quiet…just to keep Aster there for even just a minute longer. He cursed himself as he silently sipped his coco. The Australian breathed deep before settling his too green eyes on Jack.

“To be honest, Jackie, I didn’t think I’d get this far. Never thought you’d agree to speak to me.” He said weakly, offering a small, but genuine, smile.

“I don’t want to. Consider this a ‘thanks’ for dealing with that drunk asshole.” Jack glared over the lid of his cup; slumped low in his seat- the picture of teenage angst- even at his mature age of twenty-four. Aster flinched at his tone and Jack secretly crowed in victory; good, he thought, of course I’m still mad at you, jackass.

“Well, I’ll take it. I wanted you to know that I came out to my office, ‘bout two months after ya left.” He said, Jack was momentarily surprised with conviction in which Aster used. “I’d told my supervisor first, and in confidence, but unfortunately it didn’t stay that way. She probably didn’t wait even five minutes before emailing everyone on our floor.” He murmured, eyes downcast in either shame or contempt- Jack couldn’t tell. “The big boss came in nearly an hour later and told me to clean out my desk.”

Jack felt his jaw drop a bit as he stared. “They fired you?” He whispered unbelievably, anger rising as Aster nodded. 

“Yep. My first stop after leaving was a lawyer. They advised me to press charges and to keep things out of the news and away from all of the activist rights groups, my former employer settled with me. Got a nice little nest egg.” Aster smirked at him, eyes warming at the quiet laugh that traitorously slipped past Jack’s lips.

“I’ve missed that laugh.” The older man whispered.

Jack blushed and sobered. It thrilled him to hear that he’d been missed, all the way down to his toes! He clamped down on the lid that wanted break open and pepper Aster’s face with kisses, and tell the man how much he’d missed him too, how he thought of that Australian strine every day! Be strong, he reminded himself, don’t let him break your heart again.

“Well, whose fault was that?” He sneered. God, he felt like a teenager mocking his parents again. This was not going how he’d wanted it to, even though he didn’t want it to be happening at all. He was furious at his ex’s former company, but happy that Aster had taken the initiative and held them accountable for their actions. He was happier, still, that Aster had gotten a decent sum of money to keep him afloat until he found another job. Jack hated that he still worried incessantly about the man.

“It was mine.” 

Once again, Jack was shocked into silence. Never in a million years did he ever think he’d heard that. He didn’t have the time to process what Aster had said, because he continued.

“Everything was my fault. I let my job and the pressure of my coworkers take the reins with our relationship. And I know I hurt you, and I know you put up with some real shitty people for me… Jack, you were everything I wanted in a boyfriend. Hell, yer still everything I want.”

Jack sucked in a breath as his heart began to flutter and his face, neck and ears flood with heat. How many times had he wished for those words? Much more than he could count, and had dreamed them even more. And now, here they were: Aster missed Jack, just as much as Jack missed Aster. He almost reached for the older man’s hand, but stopped himself just before he reached across the table. Aster didn’t notice, gaze focused on beverage. 

“I can’t tell ya how long I looked fer ya, wantin’ to apologize fer everything I said to ya at the end. I needed to find ya before- well, before.” He paused as he looked up and reached for Jack’s hands, pausing just a heartbeat before gently cradling the smaller hands in his own. 

Hearts aren’t supposed to beat like this, Jack thought, this has to be a heart attack. It wasn’t, but he could hope, right? He cursed Aster straight to hell for this; he knew, he thought, that bastard has to know what I feel, or else he wouldn’t be doing this- The scratch of paper filled his palm and broke his ranting train of thought. 

Aster had stood, grabbing his cup and maneuvering around the small table to bend toward Jack. He cupped Jack’s pale, freckle speckled cheek and placed a gentle kiss to his forehead and, without a word, left the café.

Jack unfolded the paper and read the fine, almost calligraphic scrawl that was entirely Aster:

_I’m still in love with you, I never stopped._  
There’s nothing left for me here, so I’ve decided to move back to Oz. I know I have no right to ask this, but I want one more night with you before I leave. Just one more time to hold you and pretend that you’re still mine.  
If you decide to ignore this I wouldn’t blame you, but I know you still feel something for me; what we had few people ever find.  
I love you Jackson, with all my heart and soul. And I truly believe I will still love you even when the last star dies out. __

__Tears rolled down Jack’s cheeks as he read and reread the letter, over and over again. His mind focused solely on the word love. Aster had never once said, or wrote, those words to him. Oh sure, he’d told the man how much he loved him, on a regular basis even. But never got the sentiment returned. And then the jerk comes ramrodding back into his life and forces a heart to heart on him, complete with this bombshell? And then leaves?! Oh no, Jack thought, that’s not how this works._ _

__He folded the now crumpled paper and stuffed it in his pocket. The address at the bottom wasn’t needed, as he still knew exactly where Aster lived. A small jolt of pain pierced his heart at the thought of ‘well, he knew where he lived for now’ but Jack diligently ignored it in favor of hopping up from his chair and flying from the café. He needed to think, needed to sort his head, and his heart, out. Jack couldn’t afford another stupid decision, not now._ _

__The young man fled to the only place that he could ever remember feeling at peace, coincidentally it was the same place where he first met Aster: The Museum of Natural History._ _

__~*~*~Line~*~*~_ _

__Jack sat hunched over on a sleek wooden bench, head resting on his arms which rested on his knees. ‘Why is he saying all this now?’ he thought, now that he was leaving and never coming back. What could Aster possible gain from telling him all of this now? He was leaving soon, so that ruled out wanting to see Jack fall for it and tumble ass over tea kettle again. Aster had given Jack the option of coming to him after reading the note, an open ended invitation for… something, should he decide to go._ _

__And therein lay his problem: Jack was seriously considering going to Aster’s apartment._ _

__He had no idea what he’d do if he actually went through with it, but the temptation to see Aster again, and not be afraid of him, was hard to resist. Jack kept thinking about that one, single sentence over and over. The one that stuck in his mind, more now than at first:_ _

__Just one more time to hold you and pretend that you’re still mine._ _

__It made tears prick his eyes._ _

__Aster wanted him back; and even if it was wistful thinking on his part, had lost his job to come out to his coworkers to try and win Jack back._ _

__Jack dug the note out of his jean pocket once again to stare at it, rereading the words he’d already memorized in the past hour. Red rimmed brown eyes scanned over the paper, lingering on certain spots, like ‘love’ and ‘when the last star dies out’; and at the bottom- he final noticed the date. It was just a month after their end. Jack stared slack jawed. Aster had been carrying this note with him for nearly a year, just hoping to run into him again. That, more than anything, made his heart ache. He wanted to go to the older man and demand that Aster kiss his sorrows away, and love him until the sun came up._ _

__But that nagging voice of self-doubt came back full force: If you do that it will just be for one night. He’s leaving soon, and why would he want you to tag along? He just wants one more lay because he thought you were good. It’s not like he’s going to ask you to come with him. And even on the off chance he might- do you think he’d up and tell his new coworkers about you being his boyfriend? No way! But what if this time it’ll be different? What if Aster was sincere? He had certainly seemed that way earlier.  
Jack’s heart clenched in his chest as he buried his face in his knees. _ _

__He didn’t know what to do._ _

__~*~*~Line~*~*~_ _

__Hours later, and begrudgingly true to form, Jack stared at the number 568._ _

__He had wandered for who knows how long after leaving the museum. He’d walked past countless buildings and people, taking seemingly random right and left turns as he wandered the city. Jack was foolish to think that his feet would lead him home, though he’d hoped._ _

__Instead he stood in front of Aster’s apartment door, fidgeting, torn between knocking and turning tail. Jack shifted from foot to foot, teeth worrying his lower lip in his internal battle._ _

__Multiple times his fist was poised to knock on the innocent white wood in front of him, and every time Jack would falter, drop his hand and sigh._ _

__He knew Aster was aware of his presence, could see the shadows in the dim hallway move from the bottom of the door, had heard the near silent footsteps as the older man paced on the other side. It was surprising that Aster hadn’t just flung the door open and yanked him inside. To be honest, it was what Jack was expecting as Aster had never been very good at exhibiting patience. But the man never made a move. Jack realized that Aster was giving him the option of giving into Aster’s request, or turn and forget this whole situation had ever happened. The older man wanted him to knock, wanted to let him in, but was giving Jack the ultimate decision._ _

__Jack raised his hand again, closed his fish and took a deep breath and brought his hand forward once more. But the courage to connect with the door was not there, and he cursed himself and his fear as he covered his face with both hands, sucking in a breath and whispering a broken “I can’t.” before turning and sprinting from his ex-boyfriend’s apartment, tears sliding down his cheeks._ _

__Tbc._ _


	2. But I Need You

Jack ran the five and a half blocks back to his apartment in a blurry daze. He crashed to his bed and brought a pillow firmly to his face as he screamed. He yelled into the muffling cotton and fluff until he was hoarse and eyes burned with too many shed tears. The heartbroken young man curled himself into a ball, tightly clutching the now moist pillow as he sobbed.  


Why didn’t he just knock? He wanted to, wanted to see where things could go between them. Half-heartedly let himself believe that Aster was going to ask him to go to Australia with him, but the niggling self-doubt had reared its ugly head again. It came back with: He just wants one more fuck before he leaves, and knows you’re still desperate for him. He doesn’t really want you, otherwise he’d have never let you leave in the first place.

Jack was still whimpering into his sheets when the sun rose, flinching when his phone began to ring. The screen read ‘Tiana’ and he begrudgingly answered.

She demanded to know what had happened, explaining that Aster had come running into her office and looked absolutely wrecked before signing the paperwork to cash out all of his accounts with her bank. She went on to say that, as a mutual friend of them both, the behavior was alarming to her. Apparently the older man hadn’t said a word about his request to Jack, for Tiana was livid when he mentioned it.

“He said that?!” She hissed over the phone. “He told you that he loved you? Oh, sweetie, is that why you sound so rough around the edges?”

Jack mumbled out a broken ‘yes’ and then launched into all of his fears and hopes and sorrows. He told her about going to his ex’s home, being conflicted about everything before leaving in tears. He confessed that he probably knew why Aster had closed everything out that morning, and the revelation brought fresh tears to his eyes and more misery to his heart.

“He’s leaving early, and it’s my fault. I couldn’t do it, I was too scared of getting hurt again, and now he’s probably on a plane right now, halfway across the ocean.” He sobbed, furiously scrubbing his eyes and sniffling. He listened absentmindedly as Tiana’s fingers flew across her keyboard. No doubt trying to confirm or deny Jack’s fears. Minutes ticked by with more quiet clicking and even softer talking, as she mumbled into her desk phone. 

Too soon, her investigation was over and she softly cleared her throat, alerting Jack of her returned presence. “Sweetie… His flight left three hours ago. His apartment manager said all his things are being packed up to be shipped within the hour. I’m so sorry.”

Jack was silent. What could he say at this point, other than to berate himself again for his foolishness? He felt his heart breaking all over again as his eyes watered and his lip trembled. He gasped in a few weak breaths as Tiana began to worry over him even as he punched the end call button.

How could this have happened? It wasn’t supposed to be this way! He was supposed to be happy, and finding out who he was and meeting new people! He was supposed to be over that bastard, not pining away at a maybe-missed chance! Aster was horrible to him, broke his heart on multiple occasions, and had never told him he loved him- but… he had, hadn’t he… Aster did tell Jack how he felt, finally. Had even seemed to beg for one more night with him. Had asked to just pretend they were still together even if it was just for one night. Aster had paced in front of his door as he waited for Jack to make his move. Hadn’t bothered him again because that was the deal- Jack had listened to his spiel in exchange for his time in thinking over the older man’s proposal, in return Aster wouldn’t pester him, no matter his decision. 

Jack wished Aster would have bugged him. He always had before, always made sure his opinion was heard. He was sure Aster wanted nothing more, that night, than to open his door and drag Jack inside. The sincerity in those green eyes was frightening, and it made Jack’s stomach erupt with butterflies; it was a testament, however distrustful Jack had been. Aster had laid his heart out for Jack, had given it freely this time. He had seemed so unsure in the café, so unlike the normally cocky and confidant man he showed to the rest of the world. Jack gulped back another bout of exhausted crying, determined to go back to his life… and ignore his heart as best he could. He lived for a year without Aster the first time, and now would be no different.

~*~*~Line~*~*~

Six months later found Jack going through the motions of his life; just like when he’d left Aster the first time. His job was monotonous and boring at best, being an assistant caseworker was nothing if not repetitive. He filed and printed and scanned and copied pages and pages of paper every day, he took calls and answered questions and took messages, the only thing different about this time around was Jack found himself spending less and less time with his closest friend Tiana.

They’d actually had their first fight in years over the weekend. They’d met at their usual time and jogged around the park in the middle of their respective homes before they make quick work of lunch before heading to either Jack’s or Tiana’s apartment to continue their visit. That was where this went downhill. 

Tiana had hesitantly told Jack about some correspondence between herself and Aster, offhandedly mentioning that Aster had finally gotten settled in his new house and had gotten another job, a godsend he’d told her, and was trying to build his life back up. Jack had glared at her and hissed “Why do you think I’d care about what he’s doing?”

“Because I know you still care. You can lie to him, and to yourself, but you can’t do that to me! I know you, Jack. I know you still love him, I know that you’re still in love with him. You wouldn’t have sobbed on the phone with me for over an hour after your failed attempt to see if there was anything left between you two.”

“You don’t know anything! How can you understand what I’m feeling? You’ve never had a single breakup in your entire life! You got lucky and married your soulmate on the first try! You don’t know what it’s like to have your heart shattered, not once but twice. You don’t know how it feels not to be able to breathe because your heart is in your throat!” Jack’s voice breaks as he shoots up and gathers this jacket and phone before heading to the door.

“Sweetie, please wait. I’m sorry!” Tiana begs him to stay, following him and grasping his arm as he reaches the door.

“You don’t know- how to live your life without the one person that made it worth anything.”

~*~*~Line~*~*~

He felt bad about storming out- he really did. Tiana didn’t really do anything to warrant his behavior that night, but Jack was finding it more and more difficult to press the call button and apologize. They hadn’t spoken in almost six days, which was a record for them. Jack had gotten numerous texts, and voicemails, and emails from her; all saying some variation of ‘I’m sorry’ but never once answering them. 

Jack hadn’t felt this hollow in a long time; he’d only been going through the motions of his life since his fight with Tiana. Every morning was monotonous and bled through to his evenings and nights. His dreams were filled with visions of his ex, most were of happier times, and even happier futures, but some were filled with memories of their last fight. Those dreams ended in choked sobs into his pillow and a strong ache in his heart, which he tried to drown in alcohol. It was one such early morning, 3:49 a.m. to be exact, that a quiet knock sounded at his door.  
Tiana stood at the threshold, sadly looking him over before wrapping Jack up in her arms and leading him back to his bedroom. The tiny woman wiped her friend’s face down with a damp cloth and gently urging him back into bed. “Come on, now. Let’s get you all comfy again, so you can get back to sleep.”

Jack snuffled, burrowing himself deeper into his comforter. “Don’ wanna sleep. I hate dreamin’.” He slurred, sighing.

He remembered very little of that night.

~*~*~Line~*~*~

Jack found himself in Tiana’s office on the eighth month of Aster’s departure, confusedly sitting in one of her high dollar leather chairs and watching her fidget. Worried violet eyes glanced around the room as she picked at a manila envelope in her hands.

“Ok,” She started. “first off, you’re not allowed to be mad at me.” 

She slid the package across her desk, and motioned for Jack to take it. 

He carefully opened it and took out its contents: Two plane tickets, a receipt for a rental car, and another small white envelope. Jack stared at the tickets; one was for a one way trip from the U.S. to Australia, and the other was a one way trip from Australia back to the U.S. The rental car receipt was also in Oz, and had been prepaid for six days- the same amount of time that correlated between the two tickets.

“What- Tiana, I don’t-”

“Jack, I got this last Friday. It’s from Bunny.”

The young man froze across the polished wood, bringing his bottom lip between his teeth as he looked away.

“Sweetie… he wants you to come to Australia.”

Tbc...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go!!


	3. So Please Don't Break Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have all the happy!

Jack had barely slept on the nineteen and a half hour flight. He bounced his leg or fiddled with the magazines in the back of the seat ahead of him or listened to music on his phone. Anything to keep his mind occupied and away from the impending landing. He glanced again at the worn, folded paper he’d held since he boarded. It was the itinerary.

He would land at 2:35 a.m., Sunday morning, at the trans-Atlantic airport in Sydney, and from there he’d take another flight to Melbourne. Jack would arrive around four a.m. and pick up the rental car. From there he would find a hotel to sleep and finally gather the courage to open that little, unassuming envelope that was in the package with everything else. 

The woman at the rental kiosk was nice enough, the sympathy for Jack’s sleep deprived state easing his nerves as she mentioned a reasonable priced hotel chain just a mile up the road. Coincidentally it was a really nice place. The bed was clean, crisp, and warm and the water heated swiftly; the room itself was spacious and more than he’d hoped for, for the price. Jack set up his duffle bag and dug out a pair of sleep pants before going through his nightly routine of brushing his teeth and washing his face before crawling into the bed. 

He should have known sleep wouldn’t be in his future. 

After forty-five minutes Jack heaved a sigh and flung the covers off. He rubbed his face as he sat up and then walked over to his luggage. The small, white envelope was easy enough to find; he nestled it right on top of everything. The note was written on plain paper, and not as nerve wracking as he’d agonized over for fifteen-plus hours. 

Written in Aster’s scrolling handwriting was just an address. 

~*~*~Line~*~*~

Jack nervously packed his things into the tiny rental he’d been given. His phone read just after six the same morning he’d landed, as he couldn’t get even a wink of rest. Let’s just get this over with, he thought. 

The drive into the city was surprisingly enjoyable. Melbourne was similar to New York, but not at the same time. The buildings towered just like home, but there was so much green. Plants were everywhere; trees grew tall and proud, every doorway had bushes or flowers, hell- even some of the storefronts were covered in ivy. The city was beautiful, and Jack completely understood why Aster was so happy to be coming home. 

Jack parked the little car five blocks from the address written on the paper, deciding to walk and gather the courage and at least seeing the sights and shops. He meandered through downtown, taking in all that Southern Australia had to offer: the gentle breeze, the smell of a clean city, the happy people going about their morning. The young man grabbed a sugary breakfast from one of the food trucks and continued his stroll. 

A memory flashed through his mind suddenly:

It was three months after he and Aster had gotten together. The older man had wanted to go on a trip one weekend, and had convinced Jack to go with him. It would be their first holiday as a couple, Aster had grinned. 

They ended up going to a tourist city hours away, that had different historical attractions, and even one of the largest amusement parks in the state. Aster had begrudgingly taken him to ride the rollercoasters, and had even gone on the rides with him. On the way back to the car the duo had stopped and sampled something from every cart they came across. 

It was one of the best date’s Jack had ever been on.

~*~*~Line~*~*~

Several walks down memory lane later, Jack was realizing a few things: First- Aster did a lot of things with Jack that the older man didn’t like, or trust, or was afraid of just so they could do them as a couple; even if they happened in a different state or city. Second- everything Jack was remembering had been triggered by something on his walk to Aster’s apartment building, leading his heart to sink a bit in guilt. 

And that was how Jack found himself; somberly staring at the bottom of apartment number 462. 

The young man shuffled from foot to foot and raised his fist, set his jaw, and brought his knuckles to the wood in three soft taps.

Aster opened the door before Jack had a chance to feel nervous. The older man had yanked open the door and stood, green eyes red and tired, as he huffed out a breath as he looked his ex up and down. 

“Hey, Bunny.” Jack croaked, his own blue eyes stinging with tears. He looked away and brought out the, now crumpled, itinerary papers. “I got your package… and the tickets… and the rent-a-car.”

“Jackie-” Aster murmured, stepping forward.

“No! Wait, please.” Jack breathed, holding a hand up to rest against the older man’s chest. “I- I don’t know what I expected, from coming here and seeing you. But- I’m here now, to make up for what happened before you left. And- and- I don’t know what you want out of this, or if you even expected me to show up. And I-…” Jack sniffled and ducked his head, gripping onto the soft cotton of Aster’s shirt.

“I need to know if I made a mistake.” He hissed with a trembling lip, then looked back up into worried green eyes before whispering, “Do you still love me?”

Aster smiled, slow and confident, and pulled Jack gently into his arms. He buried his nose into the younger man’s hair as Jack clung to him. “Oh, Jackie. I never stopped loving you.”

Jack choked out a muffled sob and tightened his arms around the older man’s torso. He went willingly as Aster backed them into his home and peppered his head, forehead and neck with kisses. The older man’s hand gripped tight to Jack’s hips and slid up and over his sides to pull the younger man against him. 

“I’m sorry it took me so long.” Jack mumbled into the warm chest, sighing happily as the comforting scent of paint and soil and natural musk invaded his nose. God he’d missed this man. Looking back, Jack couldn’t find the logic of waiting as long as he had. If he hadn’t been so scared, they could have done this months ago, and Aster never would have left the states. Maybe they’d even be living together- for real this time. 

Jack was shocked out of his musings be a slight tremor that shook through Aster’s shoulders; when he looked up, pulling away slightly. Aster was gazing down on him, green eyes bright, and shining with… a mix of something Jack couldn’t name.

“No, I’m sorry. Fer everything. I never should have let ya leave during that fight. I should have tried harder to find you, and talk to ya; apologize and beg ya to take me back. I should have told you I loved you, that you were it fer me. I-” Aster rushed, only stopping when Jack placed a hand over his mouth and huffing out a quiet laugh.

“You’re it for me too, Cottontail.” He said quietly, and lifted up onto his toes to place a gentle kiss to the tip of Aster’s nose.

~*~*~Line~*~*~

Five hectic weeks later Jack stood in the middle of his, now empty, apartment. He turned, making a full circle and grinned.

“I can’t believe everything’s gone!” Tiana exclaimed, clapping her hands before hopping to her longtime friend and giving him a light shake. “And you’re leaving me too!” She pouted.

“Oh please, like you aren’t thrilled about it.” He chuckled; turning- he added under his breath with a smirk, “If the ‘I told you so’ dance was any indication.”

Tiana smacked his arm then pulled him into a tight hug, tearfully sighing into her best friend’s shoulder. “I know, and you have no idea how happy I am for you both, but now you’ll be so far away. You know I’m going to be visiting whenever I can.”

Jack smiled, hugging her back just as tightly, nodding along with every word.

~*~*~Line~*~*~

Jack shielded his eyes as the plane descended through the clouds and skeet-skeeted onto the runway. He impatiently waited his turn to get off, and made his way with the rest of his plane to the baggage claim. The lines were long and loud, with menial tiffs between exhausted fliers about who’s bag was who’s before he finally snagged his own luggage and quickly walked through the terminal to the entrance. Jack was grinning as the clear, glass doors got closer and closer. The butterflies in his stomach fluttered wildly at the thought of his life finally settling into something happy, and amazing, and exciting. 

His heart was no longer sullen and broken; he and Aster had talked for the two weeks he’d stayed and gotten everything out in the open. Every scar and cut was laid bare from the past, and tears and bitterness and explanations cleared the air between the two men and whipped clean the slate, and Jack couldn’t wait to fill it with new, happier, memories.

Aster was standing in the sun, casually dressed in an old tee, shorts and flip-flops, but his smile was radiant as he met the younger man to wrap him up in a twirling hug.

“I can’t believe yer really moving in! I cleaned out the loft, and reorganized everything! And I’ve added you to the lease- and all the bills, and I have yer key-” Aster rambled excitedly, but Jack hushed his rambling with a quick kiss.

“I know, Bunny. Let’s go home.”

Aster nodded, taking Jack’s bags and shutting them into the trunk before settling into the driver’ seat and lacing his finger’s with the younger man’s. Jack smiled softly as they weaved through traffic.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

 

End

**Author's Note:**

> So this was pretty angsty. And I have two ways this could go already thought out. 
> 
> Would you guys like an angsty ending or a happier ending where they get back together? OR both???


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